December

December.  What can I say about it?  I have been so busy with the business and my Dad.  I have been sad because I miss my Mom and Christmas was definitely her thing.  But it is almost January.

But the first visit to my Dad's had a walk in the rain which was lovely.

It was to Bridal Veil Falls in the Cascades.  It was not a hard hike but I was not ready at all for the stairs.  Why are there so many stairs on trails?  I feel like I need to walk more hills and find an office building that will give me access to their stairs so I can walk up them everyday.  But there are no office buildings near.

I still have all the Christmas baking and boxes to make except for my Dad.  When I was there, I baked him cookies.  He stashed them in his room so he still has some.  I went back for Christmas.

I will probably spend this week baking cookies.  I have a chefs roll to make for stock.  There are axes to grind on and a farmer's market to work.  I received Christmas/birthday money so I am thinking black fabric and the corresponding dress to make in my head.  I know there is red yarn in the mail.  I have a sweater that is half finished and another dress in my head.  There are conversations on how to expand the shop.  Handcrafted folders are wished to be made.

I was looking at this last ramble and this is really about how my week runs.  There is always too much to fit and what gets done gets done.  I made a dress last week as doing something relaxing for myself.  And I totally get that stress most people so I have to laugh at myself.

Life just keeps going.  I would like a room for myself.  Maybe something I can build.  Something tiny and just a place to sit and have tea.  I would build a small mud rocket stove for tea.  A chair for stitching, crochet, spinning, and reading.  A room of my own.  Less than 70 square feet does not need to be permitted.  The odd little bits I have in my head.  

more traveling

Last week I was at my Dad's.  This next week I am back at my Dad's.  It is all about doctor's appointments.  We both liked his cardiologist.  And more doctor's appointments to be made.

Before I left I was working on another chef's roll.  I will finish it next week.  I was also working on resin scales for knife handles.  I got them out of the molds but I have no idea what they really look like.  They both used different handle scraps.  I will find out more next week.  And there are always farmers markets to work.  I have some to check out too.

I signed up for an online workshop on ecoprinting and plant dyeing.  It is also about how to create clothes that ae always mendable, changeable.  It was a workshop that I wanted to take in person but it was both expensive and in Canada.  Driving distance to the mountain but I probably would have just stayed in Vancouver B.C.  That way I could have stayed late if I needed.  Stitched with other people.

The online workshop is words and videos.  I have learned new things already.  Very simple but tips that have never really been voiced that way.  I also ordered dye and the clothing blanks that I would have used in the workshop.  Actually more because I am going to play with the ecoprinting and treat my best friend too.  The plant dyes I ordered will give me a new ranges of colors to work with.  And ribbons to make.

My walk behind tractor got delivered to my Dad's.  We will take it up to the mountain.  That will interesting.  My Dad, my Beloved, and Koda Bear.  And me.  If I could lift it in and out of the truck myself I would go by myself but probably not going to happen.

When I get back I would love to focus on making jam and dyeing and ecoprinting napkins.  I know that is not what life will be about and that will be okay.  Just some time to breathe would be nice.

walking

I find one of the few things that help me control anxiety and stress right now is walking.  I twisted or slightly separated my right hip so this been hard but I have to get out.  Outside helps the stress and anxiety as well.

Why would there be stress in my life currently?  I am on a flight path and I still react to low flying helicopters.  More helicopters then planes.  Covid-19.  My Dad is 91 and after my Mom's death on Christmas Eve this causes worry for me.  My Dad is one of those who is not always following the guidelines.  And since my Mom's death, he talks much more about dying.  It is hard.

More stress?  Race.  Two of Koda Bear's brothers are of mixed race.  I have never asked of what heritage but they are brown.  Koda Bear and I had the conversation about how different his brothers lives will be because their skin is brown and his skin is white.  We had this conversation after Ahmuad Arbery's death.  We have those conversations.

Then my 91 year old father.  Conservative.  In the Army during the Korean War where it was indoctrinate that Asians were called gooks.  Who know has two half Asian grandchildren.  I am not sure I will ever convince him of anything but he asks good questions and he listens.  He also thinks every police officer and every protester the does violence should be arrested.  He does not discriminate about that.  I wish more people would just listen.

I was bussed during desegration.  That was forty years ago.  So recent in history. My sister was bussed.  Our brother was not.  I was thinking about it the other day and found it quite fascinating how different our groups of friends are.  My best friend is Muslim of Turkish and Pakastani heritage.  My sister is married to an Asian man.  I think he is of Chinese heritage but I do not wish to get that wrong.  Almost everyone I work with now that I am not in the oil industry is brown.  Most of the chefs we work with are people of color.  My brother seems to have mostly white friends.  He is the one who was not bussed.  

I will be honest.  I could live the middle of nowhere.  A lot of rural is very white.  But I am most comfortable in city neighborhoods that are mixed.  Race.  Age.  Religion.  Economic.  My neighborhood has gentrified around me.  It is nice to have closer grocery stores.  Otherwise, I miss when it was not so middle class.  The diversity has been driven out becasue of money.

Have I protested?  No.  Because I can barely walk and I am exhausted.  I have donated money to organizations that feed people.  That is my thing.  I am trying to figure out how to support and protest in a way that feels authentic to me.  Feeding people.  Growing food.  That is path I am going head down.  It will require more thought and research to figure out what is the right path for me but I am okay with that.  I will be authentic to myself.  Which is all that we can ask of anyone.  

I know this is a babble but it is what it is.  

Went to Washington, came back to more face masks

We went to Washington to be with my Dad.  It has been about two months since I saw him.  He is doing okay enough for where life has him.  It is hard to be okay after my Mom's death.  But he likes having us.  We go different places then he normally does and there are people in the house.  I liked having my Beloved and Koda Bear with me. 

My Dad does better with boys around.  And the first day there I had food poisoning.  I slept most of the day and it was not until evening before I could really drink and eat.  Having the boys there helped or my Dad would have been very worried.  I did get checked on the whole day but most of the time I was so out of it I did not even notice.

The boys worked with my Dad on things that needed to get done.  Trees were pruned.  A tree was cut down.  The back steps were replaced.  A lot of chess was played.  School work was done.  Not very different from what happens at home.

We did get up to the mountain twice.  My Dad came up with us the first time.  He actually climbed up into the loft to sit in my rocking chair.  Watching your 91 year old father climb a ladder is scary!  I clipped back blackberries and went for a ramble with Koda Bear.

The second time we were up there more work was done.  My Dad decided not to come with us.  I worked with the scythe until my shoulders said to be careful.  The boyos weed whacked and cut down more trees.  The trees were dead or dangerous so they did need to go.  Definitely a theme of tree cutting for this trip. 

Maybe next time I can lobby for the covered picnic area we are planning.  Walls and fireplace will be included so short humans could sleep there if they wanted.  Or if we have more then just the normal count.  I am going to experiment with a rocket stove and a thermal mass bench in that space.  Being able to sit out in the snow with a warm bottom could be pretty fabulous.

While we were up in Washington, I decided I needed a hat to travel home in.  I get cold on planes.  The hat helped.  It also helped that I could crochet at my picnic table while the boyos wandered.  Lots of tramping went on.  

I found on the mountain that I did not suffer from anxiety when planes flew over.  It is part of the flight path from Canada to the US and beyond.  Which was pretty wonderful after everything that has gone on.  My lungs eased.  I could breathe easily.  It has not been true since I have gotten back.  Planes and breathing are difficult.

I got back and I had more face masks to make.  I have a feeling that it is part of the new normal.  I just read an article where Texas is the number 1 state for risk of COVID19 numbers to rise rapidly.  Second wave.  It does not surprise me at all.  More face masks.  More hand washing.  More staying at home.  Though I really wish to go surfing, camping, and walking in the mountains.  Walking helps.  For whatever reason, working on the computer is hard.  Maybe that will change.

I am well

This is just a quick note.  I have been spending six to eight hours a day on my sewing machine making masks.  The rest of my day is taking care of family.  I do believe I would like a stay in a Hermitage when leaving the house is a saner decision.

Well.  Back to teaching second grade for Koda Bears online school.  And do not get me started!  Baking buns so I have a breakfast I would like.  Sewing.  I am grateful for every stitch.

I hope every one is well.