walking

We went to my Dad's last week.  It was good.  He really would like to see us every month and we are going to try.  But we live at one of the hot spots of COVID-19 right now.  We will see.  I have chosen not to coach because it is not worth my health.  I keep making face masks.  And I few other requests.  I am going to spend a lot of time at my sewing machine.  I am going to be making the same things all the time but that will be where I will be.  I will need to walk.  It helps with the anxiety.

Walking is what I like to do.  When we were at Dad's, we went for a couple walks.  The first was to Goat's Lake.  It is gorgeous.  It made me think that I was in shape.  We ended up with this view.

A couple days later we did the Excelsior Pass Trail.  It is one of those trails that I swear the National Parks, National Forests, and National Wilderness people put in place with if you can get through the first fifteen minutes you should be okay.  This was steep.  I did not feel in shape on the way up.  Gorgeous but we hit snow.  We did not get all the way.  I may want to try it in August or September.  

The biggest problem with the snow is that I am pretty sure I twisted my left knee.  I walked without moving it for a couple days and I am having to baby it now.  I should put my knee brace on but I am being stubborn.  And I do not want to be asked about it.  But it does hurt badly to walk across the house.  

I just love walking so both of these were more about going for a walk.  I never care if we get to the destination or not.  Koda Bear loves running down the trails.  Blue wants to be able to keep up but he is just not big enough.  But if I walked at his pace I would think I was in shape!  It is hard to walk in the heat of Houston after being up there.  I think I will slowly walk all the paths in the Mount Baker Wilderness.

Now, I get to figure out how to make a couple more requests.  Welder caps.  Scrub caps with room for pony tails.  Learning how to sharpen clipper blades is on my list for this month.  It could be very busy.

changing

I do a lot of mending. 

Or changing clothes into something else. 

This started as a dress. 

The skirt ripped so it became a slip. 

The fabric shrank so the neckline would not hide anymore. 

I changed the straps and lowered the cleavage to make it a slip again.

I now have a workable slip.  I do think about seeing if I can find similar fabric and make another summer dress.  I like the bright orange of the flowers on the dark blue background.  I also admit that I do not really wish to leave the house to go shopping. 

And I have enough clothes.  I can modify what I have into something else.  I have a scarf that I am eyeing to make a beach dress.  Something a little breezy, a little little that I can throw over a swim suit.

Traveling again next week. Which means I cannot go surfing.  But my newly painted truck is ready and the state park I like is open.  Maybe when there is surf I can actually go.  

walking

I find one of the few things that help me control anxiety and stress right now is walking.  I twisted or slightly separated my right hip so this been hard but I have to get out.  Outside helps the stress and anxiety as well.

Why would there be stress in my life currently?  I am on a flight path and I still react to low flying helicopters.  More helicopters then planes.  Covid-19.  My Dad is 91 and after my Mom's death on Christmas Eve this causes worry for me.  My Dad is one of those who is not always following the guidelines.  And since my Mom's death, he talks much more about dying.  It is hard.

More stress?  Race.  Two of Koda Bear's brothers are of mixed race.  I have never asked of what heritage but they are brown.  Koda Bear and I had the conversation about how different his brothers lives will be because their skin is brown and his skin is white.  We had this conversation after Ahmuad Arbery's death.  We have those conversations.

Then my 91 year old father.  Conservative.  In the Army during the Korean War where it was indoctrinate that Asians were called gooks.  Who know has two half Asian grandchildren.  I am not sure I will ever convince him of anything but he asks good questions and he listens.  He also thinks every police officer and every protester the does violence should be arrested.  He does not discriminate about that.  I wish more people would just listen.

I was bussed during desegration.  That was forty years ago.  So recent in history. My sister was bussed.  Our brother was not.  I was thinking about it the other day and found it quite fascinating how different our groups of friends are.  My best friend is Muslim of Turkish and Pakastani heritage.  My sister is married to an Asian man.  I think he is of Chinese heritage but I do not wish to get that wrong.  Almost everyone I work with now that I am not in the oil industry is brown.  Most of the chefs we work with are people of color.  My brother seems to have mostly white friends.  He is the one who was not bussed.  

I will be honest.  I could live the middle of nowhere.  A lot of rural is very white.  But I am most comfortable in city neighborhoods that are mixed.  Race.  Age.  Religion.  Economic.  My neighborhood has gentrified around me.  It is nice to have closer grocery stores.  Otherwise, I miss when it was not so middle class.  The diversity has been driven out becasue of money.

Have I protested?  No.  Because I can barely walk and I am exhausted.  I have donated money to organizations that feed people.  That is my thing.  I am trying to figure out how to support and protest in a way that feels authentic to me.  Feeding people.  Growing food.  That is path I am going head down.  It will require more thought and research to figure out what is the right path for me but I am okay with that.  I will be authentic to myself.  Which is all that we can ask of anyone.  

I know this is a babble but it is what it is.  

Went to Washington, came back to more face masks

We went to Washington to be with my Dad.  It has been about two months since I saw him.  He is doing okay enough for where life has him.  It is hard to be okay after my Mom's death.  But he likes having us.  We go different places then he normally does and there are people in the house.  I liked having my Beloved and Koda Bear with me. 

My Dad does better with boys around.  And the first day there I had food poisoning.  I slept most of the day and it was not until evening before I could really drink and eat.  Having the boys there helped or my Dad would have been very worried.  I did get checked on the whole day but most of the time I was so out of it I did not even notice.

The boys worked with my Dad on things that needed to get done.  Trees were pruned.  A tree was cut down.  The back steps were replaced.  A lot of chess was played.  School work was done.  Not very different from what happens at home.

We did get up to the mountain twice.  My Dad came up with us the first time.  He actually climbed up into the loft to sit in my rocking chair.  Watching your 91 year old father climb a ladder is scary!  I clipped back blackberries and went for a ramble with Koda Bear.

The second time we were up there more work was done.  My Dad decided not to come with us.  I worked with the scythe until my shoulders said to be careful.  The boyos weed whacked and cut down more trees.  The trees were dead or dangerous so they did need to go.  Definitely a theme of tree cutting for this trip. 

Maybe next time I can lobby for the covered picnic area we are planning.  Walls and fireplace will be included so short humans could sleep there if they wanted.  Or if we have more then just the normal count.  I am going to experiment with a rocket stove and a thermal mass bench in that space.  Being able to sit out in the snow with a warm bottom could be pretty fabulous.

While we were up in Washington, I decided I needed a hat to travel home in.  I get cold on planes.  The hat helped.  It also helped that I could crochet at my picnic table while the boyos wandered.  Lots of tramping went on.  

I found on the mountain that I did not suffer from anxiety when planes flew over.  It is part of the flight path from Canada to the US and beyond.  Which was pretty wonderful after everything that has gone on.  My lungs eased.  I could breathe easily.  It has not been true since I have gotten back.  Planes and breathing are difficult.

I got back and I had more face masks to make.  I have a feeling that it is part of the new normal.  I just read an article where Texas is the number 1 state for risk of COVID19 numbers to rise rapidly.  Second wave.  It does not surprise me at all.  More face masks.  More hand washing.  More staying at home.  Though I really wish to go surfing, camping, and walking in the mountains.  Walking helps.  For whatever reason, working on the computer is hard.  Maybe that will change.

becoming more quiet

My life is still revolving around my sewing machine.  The requests for face masks has slowed down but it is still going on.  I still am sewing every day.

I am going with my Beloved and Koda Bear next week to visit my Dad and he asked for face masks.  Again, more face masks.  I just hope I guessed the right size.  I am taking my patterns with me in case I need to remake them.  I have made over 150 so far.  And some of the chefs I know have seen my skeleton fish fabric.  There are more requests coming.  Most of them know I am traveling.

I did take time for myself over Mother's Day.  I made myself a wrap skirt out of two dresses I used to wear to my office job.  I will never wear those dresses again so I repurposed.  I may potentially run out of thread during all of this staying at home.  I will go to eBay for it before I buy new.  

Part of the difficulty for me sitting down to write at the computer during this time is both how much work I have and how much I am helping Koda Bear with school.  I am spending a lot of time on the computer with him.  I would teach his classes differently.  But I am here and not the teacher.  We will get through.

Traveling next week is going to be interesting.  But I will be glad to see my Dad.  We also plan to go to the mountain and I am looking forward to that a lot.  The next time a stay at home order occurs, I hope to have a cabin on the mountain.  That is where I will stay at home next.